(Original date, end of Summer 2001)
This summer I have spent struggling to learn one of the hardest lessons to learn in my walk of faith. It is something I think I will always strive with. It is the issue of trust and surrender. When it comes to God the two are closely intertwined.
This summer for me has been spent on the string of a yo-yo. The issue I have been bouncing back and forth on is whether or not I could afford to go back to school. The government that determines how much financial aid I was eligible for, told me my parents made too much money for them to give me a lot of aid. The bank where I applied for a loan said that my same parents the government said made too much money, in fact didn't have enough money to co-sign my loan. Funny the little ironies of life.
So I spent my entire summer balanced on a limb of indecision. I couldn't tell my employers how long I could work for them. I had a friend who wanted me to move in with her. I had a school that needed to know if I was going to use my dorm room. I had no answers. Only hopes and guesses to give each of these people. I tried to trust that God knew best, but it was hard at times. Finally it seemed that I had exhausted all my options for returning to school. I began making my plans to stay at home. I started giving everyone what I thought was my "Final Answer." I had finally stopped fighting and decided to accept what God gave me. And guess what happened next?
I got a revised financial aid package with just enough aid to muddle by. What does this teach me? God WILL bless me if I surrender and trust HIS will, not my own. I know that no matter what the outcome was, God would have been working in my life. At least I can be certain of that much, if nothing else. And that is a promise I can take to the bank. The Heavenly bank of God, that is.